The Art of Pausing: How to Navigate Life's Transitions Without Losing Yourself
Why being present during life's in-between moments might be the most radical thing you can do
If you’ve been feeling stuck this summer, I hope the musings in this essay help shift you into feeling…unstuck, I guess. 😄 Subscribe now to keep the unstuckness going!
This has been a hard summer. I keep thinking about how hopeful I felt last year—actually believing we might elect our first woman president—and how this summer feels like everything is even worse than I thought it could be, and what an idiot I was.
My kids went back to school this week, and it has me thinking about how we handle transitions. Because transitions are EVERYWHERE, whether it's your teenager getting their license, a friend starting over after divorce, or even just the shift from vacation mode back to real life. And I think most of us struggle with them.
Maybe we get stuck in the past, regretting choices we made and wishing we could go back to change them? Or maybe romanticizing what was through rose-colored glasses, wishing we could return to enjoy moments long gone?
Did I make this summer enjoyable enough? I only have a few summers left with my oldest and it's all happening so fast. Was I so wrapped up in worrying about starvation in Gaza, the ICE raids and LA protests, the floods in Texas that I missed being present with my kids? And now I'll miss sleeping in, slower mornings, popsicles on the back deck, even listening to my kids bicker. The house seems so quiet now.
Or maybe we fast-forward to the future, anxiously creating scenarios in our heads about what might be? Sometimes looking forward with excitement, but more often eager to skip past the journey and get to the destination we've imagined?
What if my kids don't make any friends this year? What if they sit alone at the lunch table? What if my oldest crashes the car or tries smoking? What if Trump somehow manages to get elected in 2028, or if someone worse takes his place? I can't wait for my business to take off—hurry up, what's taking so long, why does my progress feel so slow?
It's SO HARD to be in the present. It takes real focus and intention to catch ourselves during life transitions, to tell ourselves to pause and look around and breathe and notice what's actually in front of us. Because THIS is where life is happening. If we're looking back or looking ahead, we'll miss it.
The Art of Mindful Reflection
Now, there's nothing wrong with MINDFULLY reflecting on the past to learn lessons and grow. The key word here is mindfully—not spiraling or shame-cycling, but actually learning. Here’s one question to ask yourself to help you reflect on where you might need personal growth:
Where are your biggest emotions focused, and what does that tell you?
If I feel guilty about not spending enough time with my kids this summer, is that actually true? If it is, what can I do to ensure I spend more time with them? Or ACTUALLY is there some "perfect mother" myth about being with my kids 24/7 and loving every single second that I'm trying to live up to? What would my kids say—do THEY think I didn't spend enough time with them?
We often can't see the circumstances clearly while we're in the situation. But with some space, we can mindfully reflect and maybe realize: Oh, I actually DID spend plenty of time with them. We made lots of core memories.
If I feel sick to my stomach and can't focus on anything else because of pictures of starving babies in Gaza, I can reflect: What did I actually DO when faced with profound suffering and injustice?
Sometimes the emotion is too strong and raw, which is why people numb out with alcohol or online shopping or mindless scrolling. Sometimes there are healthier ways to cope: being in nature, surrounding ourselves with loved ones. And sometimes the most healing action is getting involved in direct support and advocacy, things like donations, calling representatives, attending protests, joining online community solidarity events.
The Power of Intentional Future-Thinking
There's also nothing wrong with mindfully thinking about the future. Transitions are actually the PERFECT time to pause and take stock of who we are.
Time to reevaluate our values—have they changed? Are we actually living them?
How am I spending my resources? Does that reflect my values? I only have so much time, money, and energy. Am I spending them on actions that align with what matters to me? If someone observed me for a week, what would they think my values are? (Coffee would probably make the list somewhere, let's be honest.)
What are my goals and intentions for this next season?
Quick distinction here: Intentions are about how I want to be (present, confident, boundaried), while goals are what I want to do or have. Both matter!
I use a tool with my coaching clients called the Wheel of Life to help them get a snapshot of where they feel satisfied and where they want growth. There are the usual categories—career, physical health, finances—but sometimes we start with a blank wheel and brainstorm categories based on THEIR values: relationships, activism, creativity, community impact, etc.
Practicing the Pause
So this week, I'm practicing the pause. Using the newfound quiet and empty stretches of time to stretch out my mind. Filling out my own Wheel of Life to take stock of where I am now and where I want to grow.
Of course, I just bought a brand new journal that will change my life (because obviously I believe in magic notebooks), and I'm using it to reflect mindfully and set goals intentionally.
Here's what I'm asking myself…and what you might ask too:
Where do I feel stuck between past regrets and future anxieties?
What emotions are demanding my attention right now, and what are they trying to teach me?
How can I honor both my personal world (my kids, my business, my relationships) AND the bigger world (injustice, suffering, collective healing) without losing myself in either?
What would it look like to be fully present for this transition instead of rushing through it?
Your Turn
How do YOU handle transitions? What tips would you share? Where do you feel stuck?
You're not alone if you’re feeling like transitions are hard. You're not alone in feeling pulled between your personal life and the weight of the world. And you're definitely not alone in sometimes feeling like you're doing it all wrong.
But the fact that you CARE this much, that you're even asking these questions, means you're doing better than you think. Maybe the pause is exactly what we all need right now.
What transition are you navigating? I'd love to hear about it in the comments—or just know that someone else out there is also buying magic notebooks and hoping for the best.