Lead Like A Mother
Matricentric leadership as a revolutionary framework
(This essay is based on the presentation I am giving this week at the International Association of Maternal Action and Scholarship annual conference…wish me luck!)
About a year ago we finally got our son a cell phone. And like most parents, we suddenly found ourselves in new territory navigating new screen time, researching parental safety controls, and trying to help him find that balance between connection with friends and a healthy relationship with his phone.
But this time I was seeing our family dynamic through a different lens. As a leadership coach who works primarily with women, I couldn’t help but notice the differences in how my husband and I were showing up in this latest parenting challenge. My husband’s tendency was to put restrictions on first and ask questions later, while my approach was more collaborative with our son - to deeply listen to him about what he wanted to use his cell phone for, to co-create agreements so that we’d get his buy in, and to hold space for his growing autonomy while setting clear expectations. It wasn't about control; it was about collaboration and building trust through transparency. And I realized that some of these practices are leadership skills I talk about with my clients every day
It got me thinking: What if the way we mother - the practices we use daily to nurture, guide, and hold space for growth - actually offers a powerful alternative model for leadership?
The leadership revolution hiding in plain sight
I coach working mothers who are running teams, raising kids, and holding everything together, often without recognizing the sophisticated leadership happening in their everyday lives. We've been told one narrow story about leadership, and it usually involves commanding from the head of a conference table.
But when we break down what mothers actually do, what emerges is profound: the ability to listen with your whole body, empathize across differences, hold boundaries with care, adapt constantly, and facilitate growth in others even when you're exhausted.
What if "lead like a mother" became as recognizable a leadership principle as "move fast and break things"...except instead of breaking, we'd be building connection, care, and community?
That example with my son is an example of what I call matricentric leadership. It's leadership rooted in the practices and values of mothering: care, emotional intelligence, interdependence, and the ability to nurture potential while holding boundaries.
Why this framework is revolutionary
Matricentric leadership directly challenges traditional models rooted in patriarchal structures. Where conventional leadership values hierarchy and competition, matricentric leadership embraces shared responsibility and genuine success of the entire group. Instead of isolated decision-making, it emphasizes collaboration. Instead of commanding and controlling, it nurtures emotional intelligence and collective growth.
It's a fundamentally different understanding of power, not as domination, but as something relational and shared.
Matricentric leadership is not entirely a brand new idea. Scholars like Adrienne Rich and Andrea O'Reilly have shown us that when freed from patriarchal constraints, the practices of mothering become tools for liberation. Patricia Hill Collins reveals how Black mothers' "motherwork" extends to community survival and resistance and shows us that matricentric leadership is inherently justice-oriented. Sara Ruddick tells us that “maternal thinking” is a distinct way of thinking that emerges from mothering.
Matricentric leadership builds upon these ideas and says that mothering should be valued, recognized, and practiced as leadership everywhere, and it has the power to revolutionize how we organize society.
And let me be clear: you don't need to be a mother to practice this. It’s important to recognize that any care-based practice (like nursing, coaching, fathering, teaching, etc.) can learn these nurturing skills that make a good leader.
Flipping the mommy track
But there IS power in explicitly centering mothers, ESPECIALLY in spaces where they’ve been marginalized (like the boardroom.) Because here's where it gets really revolutionary: What if we flipped the mommy track entirely? Instead of motherhood being seen as a career liability, what if it became recognized as intensive leadership training that makes you more valuable, not less?
Imagine job interviews where you could name the skills you gained in motherhood and they were recognized as executive-level experience: "I spent three years developing crisis management, emotional intelligence, and systems thinking while raising toddlers. I learned to facilitate conflict resolution between siblings while managing household logistics.”
Right now, 90% of Fortune 500 CEOs are men, and mothers face systematic career penalties. But what if we reframed those "missing" years as leadership development? What if maternal experience became a competitive advantage rather than something to overcome?
The world we're building
Just last week, my son broke one of our screen time agreements. Instead of punishment and power struggles, we had accountability and problem-solving. We discussed what wasn't working and co-created a new approach together. He felt the impact of his choices, but he also felt heard and respected.
That's the difference between domination and collaboration. It's not about avoiding conflict, it's about how you show up in conflict.
Because honestly, I love being able to text my son - we send each other memes, references from The Office, and favorite song lyrics. I trust him with increasing independence, and he trusts me with the big stuff.
That's the kind of leadership I want to model and multiply.
When my son becomes an adult and gets his first real job, I want him to have a boss who genuinely cares about him as a human being. I want him to work for leaders who focus on building trust, center the wellbeing of their employees, and work collaboratively and compassionately.
Traditional leadership models weren't designed for that. They were built to treat employees like commodities or machines, churning out products to maximize profit for a narrow group at the top.
But if we can lead like mothers, with leadership centered in care, equity, and emotional intelligence, we can build organizations and communities where EVERYONE has the space to thrive.