Empathy Is Still A Good Thing, I Promise
Care Bears Were Right: Empathy Is a Superpower
A few weeks ago, I was planning to write a post about emotional intelligence and started doing some research on empathy (which is one of the core skills under the broader umbrella of EQ). That’s when I discovered there’s an actual movement arguing that “empathy has become a tool of manipulation by left-wing activists,” from the book Toxic Empathy. That book and another, The Sin of Empathy, claim that empathy has been weaponized by progressives for political goals, even going so far as to say that Satan works through the “weakness” of human emotion to lead us astray from biblical truth.
Then in February 2025, Elon Musk went on Joe Rogan’s podcast and said, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” (I’m not linking these resources here because, gross.)
I’m sorry…what? Empathy is a weakness now?
Like any child of the 1980s, I learned my emotional lessons from shows like the Care Bears. They weren’t just cuddly and soft, they literally shot rainbow beams of love out of their chest. Tenderheart Bear wasn’t WEAK, he was leading the team!! And now there are people out there saying caring for other people is a sin?
Well, down the rabbit hole I went.
The good news is this still seems like a fringe movement. I think most people still believe that caring about how others feel is, you know, a GOOD THING. And if you’ve subscribed to this newsletter, I’m guessing you feel the same way But since empathy is definitely a rebel leader quality I want to elevate and promote, this week’s post is a deep dive on what empathy is, how dismissing it isn’t exactly a new trend, why empathy threatens the status quo, and how we can practice it without burning out.
The History and Misuse of Empathy
Let’s make sure we’re on the same page here. What is empathy, really?
Well, according to Mark Ruffalo and Murray from Sesame Street, empathy is when you’re able to understand, and care about, how someone else is feeling. It’s not performative, or pity, or about trying to fix things - it’s about feeling with someone, not for them.
Brené Brown, in Dare to Lead, puts it beautifully: “Empathy is a choice.” When we see someone experiencing grief, or disappointment, or rage, our initial reaction might be to make it go away…because their discomfort makes us so uncomfortable. But empathy asks us not to fix or avoid, but to make the choice to connect.
It’s important to note what empathy is not. On a podcast interview, the author of The Sin of Empathy described empathy as “jumping into quicksand with someone who’s drowning.” But that’s not empathy, that’s enmeshment. That’s people-pleasing to the point of self-erasure. True empathy means being present without losing yourself in someone else’s pain.
And empathy is a critical leadership skill. Leaders with high empathy foster psychological safety, boost innovation, and build more inclusive cultures. Research shows that empathy directly improves engagement and trust, and it’s especially impactful for leaders from marginalized groups navigating biased environments. In a capitalist work culture that rewards productivity above humanity, leaders who attune to emotion and make space for people to feel seen and heard, are creating radically different futures.
Why Empathy Is Dangerous to the Status Quo
This backlash against empathy isn’t new. When Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence was published in the 1990s, it was groundbreaking because before then, emotions had been largely dismissed in leadership as irrational, feminine, or soft (read: “not white/male/capitalist”).
Caring deeply threatens systems that rely on distance, denial, and dehumanization. When you listen to someone’s pain and feel it in your body, you’re no longer able to pretend that the system that might work for you works for everyone. You start asking dangerous questions:
Why is this happening?
Who benefits from this pain?
What would need to change so this doesn’t keep happening?
And this is exactly why empathy is dangerous. Empathy is like the Care Bears’ care stare - it dissolves the emotional armor that capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy depend on. It humanizes people who were meant to stay “othered,” and it makes injustice unbearable.
Those who receive empathy are more likely to give it. It’s why raising empathetic children is radical, because you’re raising the question-askers and system-disruptors. You’re raising a generation of people less willing to look away, because they’re more willing to understand and care about how other people feel.
And don’t forget: empathy isn’t just external. Having empathy for yourself is where it all begins. Recognizing your own emotional landscape is an act of rebellion in a world that asks you to numb out and keep producing. Rebel leaders don’t just show empathy for others. They lead themselves with care.
The Rebel Leader’s Guide to Empathy Without Burnout
So what happens when you DO feel it all? This is something I struggle with regularly, especially when the algorithm loves to flood me with images of war, injustice, and climate collapse. As a self-employed working mother, there are days when everyone needs something from me and I’m running from fumes, and one heartbreaking post on social media can send me straight to my bed.
But my ability to empathize deeply with other people is something I love about myself. It’s what makes me a really great coach. So how do I stay soft without falling apart? Well, here are some things I try to practice:
1. Boundaries: Empathy doesn’t mean taking on everyone’s pain. It means being with it without disappearing into it. Empathy invites connection, but connection takes energy. And if you're already stretched thin, overwhelmed, or dealing with your own emotional load, diving into someone else’s feelings might push you past your limit. That’s where boundaries come in.
Let’s say your coworker is sharing yet again about a toxic manager. You’ve had this conversation five times, and you're emotionally exhausted from your own stuff this week.
Empathy might sound like: “I hear how painful this still is. I get why it’s wearing you down.”
Boundaries might sound like: “I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, truly. I want to support you, but I’m at capacity today and don’t have the space to talk about it right now. Can we check in another time?”
This isn’t being cold, this is giving care with limits. Setting a boundary doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re caring sustainably, for both of you.
2. Embodiment: Your body can tell you when you are running on empty. You don’t have to be calm all the time, but to stay empathetic you have to stay connected, and again - connection takes energy. Ask yourself: What helps me reset? Sometimes you just need to go back to the basics - honestly, it’s embarrassing how many times I’m on the verge of an emotional collapse and I just needed a snack, a drink of water, and some sunshine. Rebel leaders regulate themselves so they can co-regulate with others.
3. Action: And finally, taking action. Empathy is not the end goal, it’s the starting line. When you feel injustice, let it move you toward justice, not despair. Ask: What’s mine to do? Sometimes that’s speaking up, or sometimes it’s simply witnessing so others who are more resourced at the moment can step in.
This is an evolving practice of mine. If you have tips on how to be empathetic without losing yourself, please share them, I’d love to learn from you too!
Empathy Isn’t Toxic, It’s the Revolution
If your empathy makes people uncomfortable, good. That means it’s doing its job.
Empathy challenges oppressive power. It invites intimacy and discomfort, and it opens the door to systemic, heart-led change - the kind that doesn’t fit neatly into quarterly reports or strategic plans, but actually transforms lives.
Showing empathy challenges oppressive power. If your ability to empathize makes people uncomfortable, good. That means it’s working. Empathy invites vulnerability, and in doing so it opens the door to systemic, heart-led change that the world is desperate for.
So the next time you hear someone try to say that empathy is a sin, or a weakness, take it as a sign that the world needs even MORE humanity and compassion. Because if a bunch of pastel bears with belly symbols could shoot care beams powerful enough to defeat darkness, maybe leading with heart has always been the most radical move of all. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜