Being Self-Centered is a GOOD Thing
What it means to set goals that actually serve YOU
Last week, I shared a bit about my unconventional path and the winding road of careers and studies that led me here. When we moved to Indiana, I knew I didn’t want to keep working the way I had been. My previous role in sales required years to build a pipeline, and I just didn’t have it in me to grind like that anymore. I started looking for something else.
It took me two years to figure out what that “something else” was, mostly because I was still trying to find something that looked conventional. Something that would “make sense” on a resume. But when I found the MA in Women’s Spirituality program at CIIS, I felt a spark, one of those lightbulb moments that was a clear indication this was my next move. Even still, it took me nearly a year to decide to apply, because I thought, “Who’s going to hire someone with a master’s in women’s spirituality??” I was still trying to set goals that aligned with societal expectations of what I SHOULD do next.
But I couldn’t shake the pull. The mix of feminism, social justice, and feminine spiritual practice spoke to something deep in me. I didn’t know where it would lead, and that was exactly the point.
It was a goal I set by being radically self-centered.
Not selfish. Not self-absorbed. Self-centered. I put myself at the center of the decision. I stopped making choices based on what might look impressive or useful to others, and instead asked: What do I need? What do I want?
Not for my husband. Not for my kids. Not for my career. Not for the patriarchy. Just me.
And that, right there, is rebel leadership in action.
Setting a goal that centers you - your joy, your purpose, your power - is a radical act in a world that teaches women to center everyone else. So this week, we’re going to talk about why being self-centered is a good thing, and how to set goals that actually serve you.
What if Being Self-Centered Is Exactly What We Need?
Women are conditioned to put everyone else first, from our families, to our jobs and our communities, without ever becoming the center of our own lives.
We're taught that to be a “good” person, a “good” leader, a “good” mother or partner or employee, we must be endlessly available, accommodating, and self-sacrificing.
Which means: Being self-centered is a reclamation. It means saying, my needs matter too. It means honoring your intuition. It means being brave enough to prioritize what’s truly aligned with YOUR values.
Most of us have been taught to set goals that focus on climbing the corporate ladder, accumulating more wealth and more STUFF, achieving external praise and prestige. These goals usually aren’t aligned with what will actually fulfill us; instead they typically reflect the values of capitalist, patriarchal, and hierarchical values. Which is why we often end up experiencing burnout, a feeling of being stuck, or just an overall sense that no matter how much we DO we’ll never be DONE.
(Of course, this isn’t limited to women, men get caught up in this as well. But in my experience, the expectations are higher, the social pressure is more intense, and the risk of failure is steeper for women.)
If the goals you’re setting aren’t rooted in your values or your vision, you’ll always feel like you’re chasing something instead of becoming something.
Being a rebel leader asks that we shift away from goals that keep us off-center, and move toward goals that bring us home to ourselves.
Three Pillars of Self-Centered Goal-Setting
Setting goals that truly center you requires a unique framework that honors both your inner fire and the world you want to help build. These aren’t your typical "SMART goals" rooted in productivity metrics. This is a rebel leaders blueprint.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to run your goals through as you work to center your own needs, values, and power:
IMPACT: Does this goal create positive change beyond myself?
Being self-centered doesn’t mean being self-contained. When you lead from a place of alignment and authenticity, YOU are the center, and your impact naturally ripples outward.
Who might benefit when I show up more fully as myself?
How might this goal model a different way of being for others in my community, my workplace, or my family?
Can I trust that by centering myself, I also create space for others to do the same?
Rebel leadership isn’t about sacrificing yourself for others. It’s about leading from within and letting YOUR truth expand to create collective liberation
JOY: Does this goal energize me or drain me?
Joy is not frivolous. Joy is fuel. We’ve been taught to believe that leadership must be exhausting, that meaning only comes from struggle. But joy is one of the most potent indicators that you're on the right path.
Does this goal feel heavy or light in my body?
Am I pursuing this because it excites me, or because I think I should?
What would it look like to prioritize MY joy?
If the goal doesn’t light a spark, it’s probably not yours. Rebel leaders give themselves permission to follow the warmth.
EQUITY: Does this goal challenge outdated systems or uphold them?
Self-centered goals can still be revolutionary. In fact, they probably should be. Many of us are unconsciously working toward goals that uphold the very systems we want to dismantle. When we get honest about that, we can start choosing differently.
Is this goal rooted in someone else’s definition of success?
Will achieving this bring me closer to justice for myself and others?
Am I perpetuating a system that benefits from my burnout, silence, or perfectionism?
Equity starts with disrupting the patterns in your own life. When you choose goals that serve liberation instead of domination, you are already leading.
So all of this is exactly what we’ll cover during the month of April in the Your Next Move group coaching calls. Today, I want to offer you a few questions to think about to see if you might benefit from joining!
Are you craving a goal that’s just for you - not for your job, your partner, your parents, or your resume?
Do you have a sense that something needs to shift, but you’re not sure what or how?
Have you been feeling stuck, burnt out, or unsure how to move forward in a way that actually feels good?
Do you often second-guess your desires because they don’t seem “practical” or “productive”?
Are you ready to stop performing success and start defining it for yourself?
Would it feel like a relief to be in a space with other women who are centering themselves without apology?
If you found yourself nodding along, you might be ready to make your next move!
Your Next Move is a new 4-week group coaching program that kicks off next Wednesday, April 2. It’s designed for women who are ready to pursue the next goal or milestone that’s SELF-centered - not for their boss, their partner, or anyone else.
The program investment is $299 but as a thank-you for being part of the Rebel Leaders community, subscribers get a 20% discount! Apply coupon code RebelLeaders at checkout.